As a certified life coach, one of my specialties is divorce coaching. Whenever I work with men I find that they have so many issues with their past relationships that they have lost touch with how best to communicate and resonate with a woman. The pain of the divorce affects their thoughts and perceptions about women in general and clouds their judgment. After working through their beliefs about women, they often tell me "you have helped make me a better man."I expect one day to receive a thank you note from some very happy woman who has reaped the benefit of my tutelage.
When divorce erupts in a man's life, he is left scratching his head as to what happened and how his life went from happily married to unhappily single. It is every bit as hard on a man to lose his partner and his family as it is on children and women. It may look different, but it feels the same.
Here are a few of the tips I share with men when they are trying to move on and reinvent themselves:
1. No matter what the dynamics were between you and your ex, any woman you meet is her own woman. She has her own way of being and loving. Get to know her and her style. Do not assume anything based on your married experience.
2. Communication is Key. Most divorced couples got that way by not being able to communicate. I do not care why you got divorced, if we trace it back far enough, we will find a failure to communicate played a significant role in the breakdown of the relationship. Learn better listening skills and chose not to play games and you will start a new relationship off in the right direction.
3. It is the little things. Many of the women I coach felt that their ex never paid attention to the little things that mattered. As a man, it is important to take the time to discover the little things that matter. All women love a manly guy who can change a tire and fend off the paparazzi. More importantly, they love a man who will fetch them a latte and rub their feet once in a while. Maintaining the little things over the length of the relationship, not just the gettin'-to-know-ya stage will ensure you stay in a long and satisfying relationship.
4. Know what you want and allow her to want what she wants. Having a focus in life is very important and sometimes it is hard to let others have their own unique focus. Encourage anyone you are with to have a dream and to chase it. Be a woman's cheerleader and empower her to take on the world. Your support and belief in her may be the one thing that gives her the strength to be all she can be. By helping her achieve success, her esteem will grow and no one can show love more passionately than a confident woman.
5. Be yourself from the beginning. If you want to avoid an uncomfortable breakup down the road, be yourself from the get go. By puffing up or pretending you are something you are not, you are hiding yourself from your new interest. If you can relax and just be yourself you both can decide if there is a good match. So many men are afraid of rejection after divorce that they mask who they are in fear of being left out in the cold. It is far better to have loved and lost than to fake it only to have it blow up later.






